Dear 15 year old Portia,
Beautiful Dark skinned Queen,
I purposefully use those words; beautiful and dark skinned, because I know you think that those two could never be used together.
But they can.
I know you don’t believe that at the moment, because in the world you’re in, dark skin hasn’t yet become a like-able trend…
Comments like…
“…being dark skinned is for boys…”
“Wow…You’re pretty for a dark girl”
“Imagine how more stunning you’d be if you were lighter…”
…are all you hear.
You never see women with your skin tone being celebrated.
You don’t see dark skinned girls like yourself on magazine covers or in lead roles in film.
Because you do not see your likeness celebrated around you, you start to believe that dark cannot be beautiful…Dear Self, LOVE YOURSELF… FIERCELY!
The tables will eventually turn…
The color of your skin will no longer be something to adjust, something that needs change or fixing…dark will be beautiful too. YOU will be considered pretty.
Oh! The attention you will get…It will confuse you, but you will love that attention, you will bask in that spotlight.
But don’t let the lights fool you; it’s the color of your soul that counts.
It’s what’s on the inside that matters.
Know that it’s okay to be yourself.
I know that you love to write, so grow that and stay with that.
Step out of the shadows you’re hiding yourself behind.
I know you could never use the word ‘courageous to describe yourself but I’m a few years ahead of you… I’m describing you now.
Be courageous love, push yourself…Feel the fear and do it anyway….What happened to Wonder…
Write that poem… the one you’re thinking about submitting to the school magazine.
Just write it.
Your poem will be published in the school magazine on its own page accompanied with pictures of all the twins in your school. Writing and submitting that piece will be your first act of courage.
Use your voice. Speak up more.
You’re a woman and I know the world has taught you to always stay silent and smiley.
In the world around you, women aren’t praised for their energy and effort, or for running and being loud; fighting back is considered ‘unwomanly.’
But you can put up your fists and be courageous too.
Stay loud. Stay clumsy and funny.
Humour isn’t designated to a specific gender.
Don’t force yourself to be a princess. Don’t sit still. Don’t stay quiet when you have something to say. Make a mess. Make a huge mess and disrupt every gendered stereotype.
I know your own thoughts are a cage for you sometimes.
You think you don’t have what it takes. You think you don’t match up. You’re afraid. You’re so afraid to go after what you want. And that’s okay. It’s okay to be afraid. But it is not okay to stay afraid. So work through your fears.
And Go. After. Everything!
Now…about love,
Love is not what you think it is. I know, boring right?
Don’t believe everything you see in those romantic comedies.
Love will not always end well Portia. Love is beautiful yes but you have to show up for yourself and remember what you want. Never compromise your values for any man. It’s okay to disappoint them, but never disappoint yourself.
Stop basing every guy you meet on Stephen Salvatore.
You have a big heart Port, with depths of love. You don’t love like other people love, you love deeply and sometimes it feels like the love you feel for someone resides outside of your body because you can do almost anything for the person you love.
I wish someone could tell you now that big hearts need capable hands…
And that in love there is peace, not tears, not one too many ‘I’m sorry’s.’
Love is what you make it; its effort, it’s time; it’s dedication, its honesty, its exposure. It’s a lot that you’re not ready for now, so do not rush into it.
Also, read something other than novels. Read a newspaper. Read journals. I know it seems crazy but use your phone for more than just WhatsApp. Use the internet. Expose yourself. Learn things. It may seem early but I promise…it will pay off.
Learn how to say ‘I am sorry.’
Say sorry to yourself. Say sorry to your friends. Say sorry to those who you wrong. Don’t let pride stop you from doing what is right.
Also God is real. God is not a myth. God is not science fiction.
I know He seems so far and unreal to you but He is real. He is the ground you stand on. He is worth your belief so believe in him despite what other people say.
Study! Please Actually Study!!!!
Love,
The 22 year old Portia.
The Silent Movement… #LettersToOurYoungerSelves
********************
I was watching some Tv show the other day with my grandmother and out of the blue she says, “Every female presenter these days is light skinned. Where are the darker skinned presenters? Why aren’t they on TV? What is this teaching our children?”
I am an African woman, a proud African woman. But in Africa, statistics estimate that 77% of the women bleach their skin. Colorism exists. We cannot pretend that it doesn’t. We cannot unread the very courageous words my brave friend Portia has written.
Colorism is “an intra-racial complexion-based hierarchy, that often affords societal, cultural, economic privileges and favouritism towards lighter-skinned people and discrimination against those with darker complexions,” according to Edward Ademolu, a PhD researcher at the UK’s University of Manchester. African women don’t bleach their skin simply because they are vain. They lighten their skin because fair skin is too often seen as more attractive and provides them with an economic advantage. Women with lighter skin are often more successful in securing jobs, particularly in sales and marketing, media and entertainment. In post-colonial Africa, there is still a premium on light skin and light skin still has social capital. There is a color bias that will not end unless we open up tough conversations around skin color. Until we stop associating light skin with beauty and success, the differential treatment given to varying shades of black will not end.
In my society, I am considered light skinned. And while that comes with its own share of negative biases and stereotypes attached to it, it cannot be compared to what my darker skin friends have experienced and it is not what we are addressing today. I applaud Portia for having the courage to write about something no one wants to address.
Here, at the c256, we will not celebrate special treatment, especially when it is derivative of racist ideologies. We think every shade of black is beautiful. We think you should think like we do…
So Thank you Portia.
Keep hanging onto hope,
Naks.
I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comment section…
