Hello younger self,
You’re growing up with your Uncle and his wife. They have raised you since you were three years old. Treasure them, for they will eventually become the mum and dad you always wanted. You’re always seeking love and affection from your own parents but unfortunately that hasn’t yet happened. Nor will it.
Your parents, the ones who brought you into this world, are hard and non affectionate. I know they shout a lot at you. I know they’re tough.
I know that affects you, because you don’t understand why they’re always so angry with you. And it’s starting to affect your confidence.
You’re scared all the time.
You’re afraid a lot of the time.
You’ve learned to not ask, to always stay silent.
But you’re growing. And you’re growing into a woman.
Your menstrual cycle is about to start and you won’t have anyone to turn too. I know there are questions brewing in your mind about the blood and where it comes from and what to do about it.
I know you’re afraid because you cannot even rely on your own mother for comfort. But be strong, for your sister is with you.
Lean on her, she will get you through that unbearable pain.
Lean on her…Love her.
You only have her around for a few more years. And when she leaves, the horror will start…So brace yourself.
Something as natural to a woman as her menstrual cycle will also be the cause of deep pain for you. You’re scared. You’re very afraid.
You’re afraid of your own body.
And the blood that flows out of it every month.
You lack the finances to buy pads so you resort to cutting your sheets.
Soon, you’re going to run out of bed sheets to cut. So you’ll start to save the 100shs your father gives you for break. You decide to go hungry everyday just so that you can afford one packet of pads. A packet of pads that is never enough.
You will be forced to make some unsanitary choices, like using the same towel for two days.
Don’t beat yourself up about it. Don’t worry… Things will get better one day and you will be able to afford as many pads as you want.
But for now, younger self; brace you’re heart.
Your first boyfriend is about to shatter it into pieces.
You’ve sought for love and affection all your life. Sometimes, you’re going to seek it in the wrong places like in that boy you meet at age 16, who will disappoint you.
You will break down. Your heart will be filled with hatred and rage, anger and bitterness.
The light you see in this world will be dimmed and you’ll be thrown into a pit of depression.
It will be tough, self. Especially because you will have to progress through life pretending your happy. The bathroom stalls will be witness to your tears and not your friends.
Your pillow will offer you comfort at night and not the arms of a man.
You will yearn for someone, anyone to talk too, anyone to share in your pain, to stand with you while you hurt and assist you when you’re weak. You will yearn for the advice on how to handle your broken heart, how to climb out of the pit of depression, how to survive.
But you’ll find nothing…and no one.
The pit of sadness and despair that you’re buried in will just grow wider and deeper.
You will start to hate everybody. You included.
This letter may sound very dark.
But the light is coming self,
Keep on reading…
When everything seems to fade away and life seems impossible to live; you will find God.
And that will be your turning point.
In God’s presence, in the midst of fellow believers, after crying your heart out, forgiving your ex and letting go of the events in your childhood; you will surrender your life to Jesus Christ.
It won’t be easy, walking in his light and in the way He wants you to live.
It won’t be easy, resisting temptations and not disappointing Him. But it will be worth it.
Your journey with Christ will be worth it.
God will open your eyes and open your heart. You will realize that every time you struggled, every time you suffered; that He was right there with you. You will start to understand your parents and their way of parenting. You will understand that they’re toughness isn’t proof to the absence of love but that that is simply how they know to raise you.
And you will start to work on you.
You will let go of the blame.
You will let go of the anger.
You will start to slowly work on your confidence.
You will start to grow.
You will start to become.
And everything that has happened in your life thus far will have only strengthened you.
So self, I know you’re young.
I know the things I’m writing seem impossible. But they are not. Cause I am You.
I know you’re scared all the time.
I know you’re afraid a lot of the time.
I know you think you’re alone.
I know you think that dark cloud of depression and misery over your life will never lift, but it will.
For now, talk to someone you trust. Talk to God. Trust in God and read Psalms 24 chapter 1, 4.
This is not goodbye, younger me.
I will talk to you again soon.
There’s a lot I have to warn you about.
There’s a lot I have to prepare you for.
But for now,
Take heart, I am with you. Always,
A.S_The older you.
When this letter was submitted to me by a member of our community, I was blown away. By the courage it must have taken this young lady to lay herself bare like this and talk about a topic that is still considered very much taboo here..Menstruation.
Unfortunately, the natural process of menstruation comes as a big problem to women and girls in many parts of Africa, contributing to both dis-empowerment and health risks. For young girls, menstruation is an addition to the heap of gender disparities they have to face in life. In order to stem the flow of monthly periods, women and girls use anything from rags, tree leaves, old clothes, toilet paper, newspapers, cotton wool, cloths or literally anything that can do the job. Most girls from poor communities do not use anything at all. I am not talking about this from a detached point of view, I am talking about this because I, and many of my friends, know someone that has suffered through it. Because menstruation is largely a private act, the social damage is hidden and never makes the news headlines. There are cultural and social attitudes that render discussion of menstruation almost impossible and yet it affects learning, work, marriages, prayer and almost every aspect of a woman’s life… I think its high time it ceases to be a ‘dirty little secret.’ So a huge thank you to A.S…Thank you for deciding to write about this.
WE APPLAUD YOU….With All My Love_Naks.
