“It’s my choice to be beautiful. It’s my choice to be ugly. And it’s my choice to decide what those words actually mean.” ― Virginia Petrucci
A lot of the ideals we believe in were taught to us at an early age. And we carry them with us all the way into our adult lives. But, in some cases, these ideals could be keeping us in chains.
An ideal is a level of perfection that exists only in imagination. It’s the idea that something is perfect or conforming to an ultimate standard of perfection or excellence.
The standards that most of us tend to internalize, in a majority of cases, should be defined as an “ideal. We call ourselves to certain standards and yet ideals are those things we often link to life and death, that if left undone make us feel like we aren’t enough.
It could be the frustration you feel that you aren’t where you should be in your life or in your relationship or your business, career or even your body? Maybe you feel that you may never get there no matter how hard you work? Maybe it’s the worry that you’ll die alone? Or that you shouldn’t be alone and should perhaps be already married and settled down?
Those are not standards you set for yourself are they?
If were up to you, you’d get married at thirty and feel no qualms about it.
You’d take your time to figure out how you want to make an impact instead of randomly selecting whatever title will earn you the most ‘respect’.
If it were up to you, you might love the body you’re in because you know that inner beauty is what counts.
You would not be rushing to date that guy or girl you know is really not right for you.
But you’re caged in by these ideals that you grew up with.
Ideals like:
Beauty is a certain ‘size’ and a certain ‘look’.
You must have your whole life figured out by 20.
A woman must be married by 30.
Men do not like women that are too educated and smart so do not be that lest you end up alone.
Women like men with fancy cars and deep pockets so you work yourself into an early grave.
In fact many of you have stayed in relationships way too long. Many of you knew it was the wrong relationship but stayed anyway. You know why you stayed?
Because of some ideal.
The ideal that you’re not a quitter! You’re not a loser. You don’t give up, no matter what.
You placed you ideals in front of your own value. And stayed in something you knew wasn’t right for you, and pursued a career you knew wasn’t right for you, maybe even pursued a marriage you knew didn’t stand a chance because there was no way you were clocking 30 without walking down the aisle.
But isn’t it time we made our own decisions?
Isn’t it time we stared to live by those conscious decisions instead of some conditions we were given early on?
Isn’t it time we made our own rules? (Be careful here to not get too carried away)
Isn’t it time we lived by the standards we’ve created for ourselves instead of some imaginary perception of who we should be, what we should look like and how we should act?
I think it is time.
I think it’s time we all stopped quietly suffering because we are caged in by ideals that we cannot live by and yet think we should.
I cannot carry the frustration of not reaching some imaginary level of perfection. I do not think you should have to carry that frustration too.
So go ahead…
Go after that degree girl, go after that Masters!
Learn whatever you want. Allow your mind to soak in the knowledge left to us by those who came before us. Cast away the doubt that some man won’t like you if you’re intelligent. If he does not find your smart mind attractive, he isn’t right for you to begin with.
Marry when you want, when you feel you have found the right person with whom your values and view about life are aligned.
Do not dig yourself into an early grave by trying to fund a lifestyle that you think will make more women attracted to you dear men. If that’s what draws them, then they aren’t right for you anyway. Work hard; go after your dreams because going after them fulfils you not because you hope to fulfil somebody else.
Love the body you’re in.
Love its glorious size no matter what number on your jeans tells you. Your body was made for living, so live in it. Use it in a life-affirming way. Don’t just feed it, nourish it. And when you think it has something to tell you, lean in and really listen.
Give yourself time.
20 is still very young to have your whole life figured out. So take your time. Go where you are masterful and add value to the world in any way that’s accessible to you. Feed the animals, pick up litter, volunteer in your community. Live in service of others.
Let yourself free. And live.
Keep hanging onto hope,
Naks.
