The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself
_ JoyBell C.
This post was originally written in 2018. But the lessons here are just as important today as they were then. Enjoy…
In October last year, I made a promise to myself; I made a vow to try things outside my comfort zone. You see I have a weird habit; I go to restaurants and small eating places, sit by myself and just watch people. This time however; I put a small twist to it. Instead of sitting alone, I would sit with a complete stranger (I think I’m a pretty good judge of character because none of them turned out to be serial killers).
What started out as a way to fight fear ended up being a really eye opening experience. I learned so much from these people (including to stay away from strangers). One of my favorites lessons was from a lady who’d married the wrong person, another was from a preacher after church, a really good one was during a conversation with a young lady in a taxi who was peeping into my phone and realized we listen to the same podcast.
You would be shocked by how much people are willing to open up once they feel comfortable and safe.
I decided to share some of these life lessons with you. I honestly hope you can learn something new from my intimate conversations with strangers;
Progress isn’t always a forward movement. We’ve created this definition of progress as forward movement that happens in only one direction. As a society words like fear, failure, and moving backwards, are at opposition with how we perceive success yet that’s not always the case.
Use the example of Mt. Everest climbers; they climb from Base Camp to Camp 1, and then back down to Base Camp. Next they climb to Camp 2, down to Base Camp again, up to Camp 3, and all the way down again–in a continuous cycle of pushing heights and then descending to rest.
One may move backward and still make progress. Setbacks and failures are backward movement but are still a part of progress. You can always back up, but never back down.
You’re on your way; Contrary to what you think, you are not lost. Detours and more detours are certainly a part of life in order for you to find your way. It’s okay to make unexpected wrong turns, you can always learn from them.
On Patience; A lot of us don’t want to do the work necessary to achieve great things. We live in a world of instant gratification. Things have to be here, right now! Relationships have to fast forward to marriage, kids, and the whole fence. Jobs have to fast forward us all the way to high paying executive positions without putting in the long hours needed to get there. Yet life is a lot longer than what we think, we need to exert patience and trust all the way through. The things we desire, the things we pray for will absolutely show up when it’s time, when we’re most ready. We need to learn to STOP rushing everything.
You’re Not So Special; You always can be replaced by someone else at your job that will do it for less and work twice as hard. You can lose anything if you let your ego get the best of you. You will be replaced by someone who understands that relationships and friendships are equal and they take a lot of your time and effort to turn them into everything you want.
Everyone you meet is fighting their own battles; everyone is struggling so be compassionate. Before you start judging them or their life choices or their behaviours – you should try to fully comprehend the amount of struggles they are going through. Be more sensitive and compassionate.
Hustle and hustle hard; the truth is, your future will never be fruitful if you just sit around and wait. You have to start and continue grinding because your energy right now will never be the same when you turn 65. Right now is the perfect time to invest in your career, in yourself and in your purpose.
Don’t rush love; stop trying to make it work with everyone who greets you or sends you a message or everyone who smiles at you across the street. Stop insisting love with all the wrong people, in all the wrong places. A love that’s meant for you will blossom and will bear fruits of kindness, passion and concern in due time.
Stop wasting your time waiting. Stop waiting for that reply, for that call, for the date offer, just stop. Remember, a love raised out of the need to feel worthy or beautiful will never last. Let go and delight in the assurance that love will find you at the right time, in the right place with the right person.
Be kind and let the aholes be aholes; Imagine how fragile your heart is, now imagine it filled with hatred and evil thoughts – not pleasant huh? Fill it with kindness. No matter how rude and mean people are to you, you are not obliged to reciprocate their behaviour.
Choose your battles wisely; Not every battle is worth fighting for. Learn to let go, sometimes peace is more important than proving you’re right. You don’t even have to be right all the time because surrendering doesn’t always equate losing, sometimes it’s winning.
Stop overlooking every mundane moment and start appreciating each one. We feel empty most of the time because we dedicate ourselves so much in pursuing more amazing things, experiences when in fact they’re all right in front of us. We are usually just too blind to see it.
The devil is smart; he keeps deceiving us all by making us want what other people have and deceiving us into thinking that what we have is worthless and not good enough. The single people want to be married and the married people are divorcing to be single. The thin people say “oh I wish I could put on some weight, ‘the bigger people, oh I wish I could take weight off. The truth is the enemy can’t take away what God gave you so he just devalues it in your eyes until you don’t appreciate being you. “Yeah u nice looking but your nose looks funny. Oh you got pretty eyes but your lips are too big.” It is always something wrong with you. You’re never been happy being you. And that’s how the devil wins. Because he can’t take away what God gave you; he then attacks your mind. For if your mind is full of worry and stress, anxiety and depression; that leaves no room in your mind to think about how to prosper and grow.
You are your passion, so feed it; whether it is acting, food, styling, and traveling, writing, singing – do it. Don’t you ever compromise it! If you haven’t found yours, keep looking. Keep looking.
If you ever find your soul mates, don’t let them go; if you ever find people you can sit down with for hours just talking about life, dreams, politics, movies, coffee shops, don’t let them go. They’re one of a kind.
Take risks; always be open for new things. Learn new insights, new people, new culture, and new places. Grow in all aspects of your life. Connect with the people who can contribute new learning to your being and let everyone you meet be a vessel of such.
Learn vulnerability; Learn to feel and feel deeply. Cry if you must; shout if you must; talk, if you must – just let yourself feel. Let every kind of vulnerability surface, because contrary to what they tell us, keeping it in is what eventually destroys us.
You are the only one responsible for your own happiness; You can be the sea or the star, you can be the wind or the fire, and it’s entirely up to you.
I lost track of how many strangers I talked to but I’ll never forget their (usually) wise words.
However, try this at your own risk.
As always, keep hanging onto hope.
Naks.
Thank you so much