HOW TWO YEARS HAVE COMPLETELY CHANGED US…
Sometimes I find it intriguing the meanings we attach to words or things. I read something the other day that stated,
“Suffering is coming to the place where we finally feel the truth that being human is being limited.”
If there is a singular thread that ran through all our existences last and this year, then it had to be the common thread of suffering. And with it, pain.
In suffering, we are fully aware of our own limitation as human beings.
And when we come face to face with our own limitations, we are left feeling helpless, less of human beings. And the more suffering lingers, the more of ourselves we lose.
Pain does that too.
It has a way of bringing your identity to the edge of a cliff.
Last year felt a lot like that, like we were hanging off the edge of a cliff, falling over but straining with everything we have in us to hang onto that small jutting edge. And so has this year…
A lot of what happened these past two years has been in contradiction to a lot of what we grew up believing. Many of us have grown up believing that as long as you just work hard, be determined, plan ahead, and focus then you can eliminate pain and suffering in your life. But 2020 and 2021 have shown us that we are not in fact the gatekeepers of our own bright futures.
Suffering is heavy and with everything that comes with a certain weight, it has the ability to slow things down. Last year forced us to slow down, to take slower, more measured steps. It gave us the much-needed time to pause and breathe without feeling the shame and guilt that is usually tied into taking time for ourselves instead of pursuing the unending pulsing rhythm of success.
As things slowed down, our need to stay busy was put under a microscope.
Our urge to be on the move, paper pushing, and surrounded by the constant hum of dream chasers. Our willingness to put our own bodies through just about anything in order to outrun our own thoughts was dissected. But everything came to a screeching halt; we were left to confront the thoughts in our heads.
Finally, we were alone in our homes, faced to confront the echo chamber of our worst fears, re-examining that we thought we were, while the phones and devices in our homes fed us with stories of all the ways the world was weeping and shaking in sorrow.
Our need to stay busy was also put under a microscope last year and we found we couldn’t hide in hurry anymore.
With everything that was going on last year and everything that has happened this year, an important reminder slowly rose to the surface.
The reminder that we are fragile and finite, that our individual existence on earth does actually have a time limit, that we aren’t as invincible as we thought we were. It started as a slow whisper at the start of last year, it has become a full-blown shout as we hit the start of this year and by the middle of this year, that reminder has been starring us right in the face daring us to deny its truth-
the reminder that we are not in control and one day, on different days, we are all going to die.
Among the many reminders that last year brought, these are what stood out for me:
- Suffering Does Not Equate To Badness.
When we’ve been trained to think suffering means we have done something wrong, we don’t know what to do with a whole world shaking in sorrow let alone what to do with ourselves. Sometimes, the real sin lies in judging the sufferer as the bad one… sometimes we cannot rise above our broken bodies and broken stories. Sometimes its exhausting playing miniature self-saviors or gods.
- Hope Comes Disguised.
That small jutting edge that we desperately hang onto last year was… hope.
And hope can often come disguised as many things. It’s important to stay aware of when and how hope could come knocking on your front door. A particular example this year has been how much good people have been doing regardless of all what a horror show this year has been.
- We Cannot Play God
All of us are somewhat entitled; we expect a pain free protected life and when we do not get it, it hurts. But what I’ve learned is that this hurt can open our eyes to the truth; that we aren’t God and its high time we stopped playing at being God. - Baby Steps are Still Progress
That facing a little of your fears and your own thoughts everyday is not as scary as being forced to confront all of them at once. Daily self check in’s are important. Our thoughts can be scary, our own fears can be crippling, but peeling back the window slowly everyday can do you wonders.
- Pain Propels Communication
It is an invitation to stand true to your story and realize that while your story is your own, so is everyone else’s, to not disregard truth simply because we are afraid to feel it. To stand in communion with fellow truth seekers.
- Hard work cannot shield us from suffering.
As we live and exist and love and celebrate and cry and grow through 2021, I hope we remember these important reminders. I hope we take every lesson that we learnt in 2020 and this year and carry it with us into 2022 and the years that follow. I hope we live with Grace and extend Grace to those around us. I hope we are NOT too afraid to sit down and dream up some big dreams and better yet, go after those dreams.
We don’t know what 2022 is going to bring, we don’t know what 6 months down the road is going to look like, but I hope we are stronger at heart and that we are better equipped to handle our emotions and feelings even in the midst of turmoil and in the presence of joy. I hope we remember, no matter what, to hold space for small pockets of joy and peace when they show up in our lives and to know we are not alone.
Keep hanging onto hope
_Naks.
