This Thing That I Do…

This post was originally written last year.

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There’s this thing I started doing last year. I know I should have some fancy name for it but I do not. But at the end of everyday, I ask myself four questions that help me reflect on how I’ve lived. Anyone that knows me and knows about the huge medical scare I had a year ago knows that I do not take any day for granted, not anymore. So I ask myself these four questions :

Because nothing beats a good laugh. What this question basically means is did I feel joy, even for a few precious seconds? Did I laugh until my stomach hurt? Did I genuinely smile at something

• Did I love

I know love can be shown in multitude of ways… So did I affirm anyone, encourage anyone? Was I kind and considerate of others? Did I take time to listen? Did I share my time or my things with someone in need? In its various ways, did I extend love…

This doesn’t mean, to me, the giving of physical objects. Not materialistic sharing, but rather information, lessons, wisdom, a verse or scripture, anything intangible that can impact someone deeply…

Did I find practical ways, small or big, to show someone else that they’re important and valued? Did I help anyone? Were my skills put to use to benefit someone else…

At the end of everyday, I answer these questions with vivid clarity, like I’m experiencing that laughter again…But not this past week. I’ve managed to do this every single day until this week. With everything that’s going on in the world and the fact that we are in lockdown, the routine of my day has changed. Because of my work, it’s usually easy to sit back, close my eyes, and pinpoint exactly when I felt joy, how I loved, how I served and what I shared. But while in lockdown, I’ve found these questions more difficult to answer. I either have one answer or none. Except yesterday I woke up furious at myself for giving up my practice. So I’m willing to try. I want to find the joy in my day even in lockdown. I want to reach out and love even in lockdown. I want to share what I have and what I know even in lockdown. I want I want to serve as much as I can even in lockdown. I know there are changes to our days, but that doesn’t mean we have to sacrifice routines, practices that are important to us. For me that means finding the time to pray every morning, writing before I sleep, enjoying the beauty of clouds on a bright sunny day and answering my four questions.

Life has drastically changed and maybe we can try to adjust to the reality of things as they are now instead of trying to hang onto things as they were and being miserable in return. So yesterday, I did that. I adjusted. And these were my answers:

Yes I did. I spent time with my grandma, just talking and laughing and letting her feel valued and heard and seen. I also checked in on someone I really care about.

Yes I did. At something my cousin said. I can’t repeat it but trust me, it was hilarious. I also have this friend of mine called Florence that can find the humor in anything, so we did that. Found the humor…

Yes I did. I shared a verse with some of my friends from school. Also a friend of mine, Christine, has been really shaken up by this crisis. I spent some time just talking to her, reassuring her even though I was just as shaken up. We comforted each other…

Yes I did. I am working with some colleagues to figure out how to help families get basic supplies to families in need here in my country. So we brainstormed a few ideas…

You do not have to do my four questions, but I know there’s something that’s precious to you, like art, writing, cooking, or something. The constant stream of bad news, this whole situation can be paralysing but we have to hang onto the things that keep us sane and hopeful. We don’t have to stop doing them, we just have to adjust to the reality of now… So what would your four answers be? Or rather, what four things are you hanging onto during this time and taking the time to do?