I have realized a couple of things:
It’s so easy to lean into anger and use that to drown out every other emotion, including pain.
But what is the point?
Few things in life have the ability to open your eyes to the reality of life as grief does.
Loss changes things.
It changes you.
It changes your friendships;
people you thought would hang beside you in anything turn dismissive,
unable to hold their gaze on your pain.
People you thought would have no capacity for stillness turn out to be consistent witnesses.
You never know who will come through and who will fade away.
The only thing for sure is that loss will rearrange your life.
Your relationships will change.
I have learned that as you work through the way things are now,
the reality of who you are at this moment,
might not work for some.
And that’s okay.
Be careful not to become entitled.
But be careful not to tolerate scraps of affection either.
Another realisation is this
You might be on an emotional rollercoaster, but allow the lessons Grace sends your way to sink in.
A friend of mine recently told me,
“You’re allowed to feel great joy in a moment and also immense sadness…
You don’t have to pick one or the other or pretend that one emotion doesn’t exist…”
The dichotomy of emotions.
Allow it to be.
Also, people will be distant, awkward, and impatient.
Allow them that. While grace might not be afforded to you,
give it to others.
And know this,
Only people who have walked in your shoes can ever know the depth of your sorrow
or the emptiness that comes with the loss of someone you loved with all your heart.
Part of healing is rediscovering yourself amongst those who share and empathize with how your journey changes and shapes you.
Sending much love to all those who have encountered loss and are grieving and healing.
Lastly, God.
Having an intentional prayer life, bible study time and just immersing myself in God has literally kept me alive.
You become so aware of how “un_alone” you are.
You become more aware of how many precious things you still have.
There’s so much I still have, my amazingly imperfect family, my flawed and amazing friends etc.
Most importantly the plan God has for my life is still in motion.
Loss doesn’t render it hopeless.
I am not here to just fill up space, there’s a purpose for my existence.
T’was Grace that has brought me this far.
Grace will carry me home.
…
I will be posting more of these seemingly random pieces that I will group together under a category called Small Realisations.
Join me on my journey as I heal from what has been the greatest loss of my life, as I find my footing and just learn to exist without my best friend,
My grandmother, Elizabeth.
May She Rest In Peace.
And may you keep hanging onto hope.
_Naks.
You can read more on Grace here….
Wow this is amazing my young sis keep up the good work, your inspiring & encouraging many souls out there, me inclusive. Much love Naks
thank you!!