“You need to spend time crawling alone through shadows to truly appreciate what it is to stand in the sun.”
― Shaun Hick
I am seated on hard concrete,
With green fields behind me and blue waters ahead of me,
I am lost in the rhythmic movements of the ripples across the water that I can see from where I am seated.
It is 6:30 in the morning.
It is cold, cold enough that when I look down at my arms,
I can see a dozen goose bumps breaking out across my bare skin.
The wind greets concrete and skin just the same, yet I am blessed to feel it.
The early morning breeze carries fine drops of water, each one a promise of rain,
carrying with it the fragrance of earth.
I close my eyes and breathe in.
I listen to the wind blow and allow its song to stir my emotions.
I let it bring my hopes to the surface until I can taste my dreams and goals…
I let it remind me that despite the fear I feel lurking in the background; whispering that my dreams are too big, my ambitions too grand, constantly reminding me that it’s a sin for children that come from where I come from to dare to dream as big, I let the wind remind me that here, in this present moment, in the gift of living, that the God who wills the wind to blow across my face, will give me the courage to commit that ‘sin’ and dare to dream even bigger!
I open my eyes,
right there, above the waters of the lake, the air gently pushes the clouds aside and streaks of brilliance break through as a patient sun emerges.
A deep sense of peace settles at my core as I stare in awe at the beauty before me.
Rays of lights dance delicately across the water.
I let my eyes rest for a moment, taking in, letting my brain be still.
Somewhere deep in my gut, I know that I have found it…
The theme for this year.
A few years ago, I stopped making New Years resolutions and instead chose to come up with a theme or a word, sort of like a mantra, for the New Year.
In 2018 my theme for the year was, “Sitting in Silence” I wanted to take the time to try and figure out who I was, why I was who I was and who I was growing into.
I wanted to be able to sit comfortably in silence with who I was, without judgment, without shame, without fear.
My theme for 2019 was “The Year of Gratitude” I was tired of taking things for granted.
I knew that true joy lay in being intentionally grateful for the things in my life. It did not mean denial or false positivity. It meant finding the smallest of things to be grateful for even in the most challenging times.
In this moment, right here, with the sun shining down upon me,
I know that my theme for 2020 is… Standing in the Sun.
I am stepping out of the shadows and standing in the sun.
I’m no longer hiding. I’m no longer running. I am standing in the sun.
I want to live a life that is authentic to whom I am, to never have to compromise my values for anyone’s love, affection or acceptance.
I want to face my fears and go after what scares me, to try to achieve my dreams and my goals however big they are and however unworthy of them I might feel at times.
I want to be happy and to always have the courage to choose joy.
I want to find my light; I want to use what God has given me to impact those around me so that they can Stand in the Sun.
And when darkness surrounds me and fear threatens to overwhelm me,
I want to look up on an early morning like this one and remember;
Stand in the Sun. Find your light. Let God’s light guide you.
This year…I am Standing in the Sun.
.
Keep hanging onto hope,
With All My Love_S
“The greatest act of courage is to be and to own all of who you are — without apology, without excuses, without masks to cover the truth of who you are.”
― Debbie Ford
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